Ma Belle Soeur

The hullabaloo of Paul and Toni’s wedding of the century has died down.  I was not a fan but their interview after the engagement changed it all.  You probably think this post is about it.  Well, it’s not.

One of the things about their wedding that made me weep my eyeballs out was the part where Alex (the sister) tells the groom about her sister’s quirks.  I suddenly remember my own sister and the day I left Canada to build my own life in the Philippines.  She was the only one who knew I wasn’t coming back.  It’s been nine years.  That’s almost half her life (see, I love her so much I still pretend she’s 18 haha). I just had to put that there to avoid some emotional fit here in the office! 

Le Anne is younger than me by four years but five years in school because I was born a genius.  I rub it on her every single time.  I was in college while she was still in high school so I was her FASHION ICON!  Even with a closetful of clothes, she’d ransack mine in the middle of the night.  I later on learned to put my spidey sense in full swing because while I pretend to sleep it starts with a small creek from my bedroom door and then I catch her redhanded in the middle of her little tiptoes! Her reaction was priceless, it was awesome.  

During her formative years my mom was away somewhere in the Middle East.  She was a bit slow compared to me (did I say I was a genius?)  It was difficult for her to read and her grammar was sick. And in a family where your mom writes and speaks so awesomely well, it was a disgrace.  We constantly fought about clothes and food she didn’t finish.  I would tell her about the many underprivileged people who’d love a piece of what she has.  I end up eating her leftovers and of course I became fat.  (Who knew there was wisdom in that? haha)

When we came to Toronto, she joined the music class after my prodding.  Only to find out it wasn’t glee club but a school band!  So one day she came home with a real flute and with all despair told me she’s planning to back out the next day.  We both didn’t know how to play the instrument!  So I thought maybe those days with the Bamboo flute in Cebu would come in handy.  And it did, we tried learning “Wooden Heart” and she ended up one of the great flute players in the band.

One time in Canada, I wanted to commit suicide and drank pills in front of her.  She didn’t even react or stop me so I felt kind of bad that she didn’t care.  Later on she told everybody I was drinking Tylenol (for night) so it would make my cough and colds go away.  No biggie.  Hahahaha  (and NO I also wasn’t REALLY killing myself)

I could go on and on with every other story about us.  But even then I knew in my heart that she was awesome.  I believed that she can be greater than what she saw in herself.  I have always known there was strength amidst her being fragile.  

She graduated high school as an honor student, a cheerleader (I hate that she lived that dream and I didn’t lol), a school band member and a member of the Key Club, an organization I know nothing about.  From several fashion faux pas to now being a certified fashionista.  From her grammatical blunders to an Honours Bachelors Degree in English and History minor in Religion from no less than the University of Toronto.  

To my sister, 

When I went back to the Philippines, it wasn’t about whether I could make up a life here - that wasn’t my greatest fear.  My biggest fear was how you were going to make it out on your own.  But you’ve grown with so much gracefulness as a woman with a good head on top of her shoulders and a heart filled with so much tenderness and love.  All this, without me and you have made me so proud!  

So even though I may be a few days late, I want to greet you a HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  In a stage in my life where I can only pick a handful true friends, nobody can ever measure up to what we have.  I will always love you and I believe in you.

Love Always,

Ate.  

Midyear Muni-muni

The official time is 8:16 and I am here in the parking lot beside my office building.  All of a sudden I felt the need to blog.  I rarely have this window of clarity.  My head’s usually filled up with so many things, so many people to think about.  

Hmmm… Is it really July in two days?  Half of the year.  Wow.  And it went by so fast I didn’t even notice.  Except for the few bulges on my waistline and the glaring sales performance at work, I’d have to say the first half was all good.  

In summary, this is how January to June came and will go (in a day):

1. God’s faith is enduring.  We closed 2014 on a high and gave ourselves a good pat on the back.  But with a small technicality, I thought I wasn’t getting an award.  The Lord is amazing, I got it just in the nick of time.  
2. My mom and dad came home and for a time, I was allowed to feel like a baby again.  LOL.  We should always be grateful for our parents.  Mine are awesome.
3. We moved to a new house last April in a record breaking manner (see previous post).  After two months, I finally feel at home.
4. Burglars went into the house three weeks into the transfer while we were inside our rooms with the kids.  They got all our laptops.  I felt violated and scared, but the overall feeling was numbness.  The nothingness lasted for a few weeks/months and had a domino effect on other aspects of my life especially that I didn’t keep a backup of my files.  All my work presentations and stats gone.  But now I’m all good.  The Lord is telling me life is a clean slate, we can always start from scratch.
5. My faith in the Lord has been strengthened by all the challenges.  Yet, His messages to me are clear and now I know where I’m heading.  His promises lift me up every single time in spite of all the downs.  I love you Lord God!  I am proud to shout it out to the world.
6. It’s the 7th month without a yaya or house help.  Yet I feel that this has strengthened my marriage.  Lloyed and I have learned to be patient, kind and loving.  We have learned to enjoy each moment and focus on the good.  ALL THE TIME.  Our outlook in life has been condensed to its simplest form.  We are just grateful for every single day and that’s all that matters.
7. The kids have grown so much.  I believe we have become better parents learning from each of them.  

We have a boy in his pre-teens who’ll be as tall as me in the next two years.  He is learning to be his own person and we are doing our best to give him as much guidance as we can.  


Our preschooler is the sweetest kid and he has learned to express himself more eloquently these past months.  We take conscious effort to make sure we give our middle child as much attention.   He appreciates it a lot.  

Lastly, our toddler in her terrible twos can enunciate a number of words.  There have been so much development in her speech and motor skills for the past six months. She’s a cutie pie we just can’t get over how cute her dimples are!

All in all, I can’t help but look forward to more amazing things for the next half of the year.  With 3 mid-year planning events for me to prepare for and execute, there can only be 4 words:  LET’S GET IT ON!

Resurrected.

There has been a terrible drought.  A famine so scarce in the deepest recesses of my brain.  Was that exaggerated enough to prove my point?  It’s been almost two months and I finally had the inspiration to write again.

There have been a lot of noteworthy events like my recent Bali trip or the very first big dinner with my Elite Society but I never had the chance to even cook up an opening sentence. 

Number 1.  Still no yaya.  Still no house help.  Still three kids.  

Everyday I give myself a good time alone with God to help me refocus on the most important things in life.  My faith and relationship with Him has allowed me to look at things with a very positive mindset.  Even after more than 6 months (I lost count) of juggling responsibilities with my loving husband, we manage to get by.

To be honest, it’s still tough everyday but things always seem to fall into place.  Work keeps piling up but with God’s help I am able to tick my checklist one at a time.  Small consistent steps but getting better if not the best at it.  (Of course, can’t do it without you Lord!)

Number 2.  No matter how positive you are but when someone tells you on a Thursday (let’s hide that person in the identity of your MOM) that she wants to move in to her house on the Saturday two days after, you still have a hard time comprehending it.  Let alone actually executing it.  But that was Saturday last week and mountains were definitely moved (no pun intended).

Since our weekdays are horribly busy, we moved in to Mom’s house and brought almost all her things that weekend.  Until now, I still don’t know how we did it.  

Number 3.  I have been living alone for almost 8 years.  If we count the time that I lived with my in-laws after I left Canada, that would make it 9.  So moving back into my Mom’s house is actually a challenge but a welcome change.  

A challenge because we are both so used to living separate lives, used to doing things a certain way and now we have to cohabitate.  A growing young family and a nesting pre-retiree, we both have to adjust and get used to each other’s preferences.  And I tell you, when it comes to a lot of household related things we are spectrums apart.  LOL. I am the I-will-sleep-if-I’m-tired-because-I-have-work-tomorrow-so-let’s-not-mind-the-mess-for-now type of human being.  While mommy is the I-get-a-headache-every-time-I-see-mess-I-just-have-to-do-something-about-it-now type of person.  As I read it over, I can’t help but laugh.  Haha.

A welcome change because for someone so independent, I appreciate moments like these when I get to spend time with my parents.  We’ve been years apart and that space has allowed me to grow into someone I never thought I’d become.  So many amazing things have happened in my life especially in my career and I owe so much of it to my supportive parents.  That is why I don’t look at the little things or the small differences because seeing my parents happy is more than enough.  And the moments my children get to spend with their grannies are priceless memories they will treasure forever.

Number 4.  Why the sudden inspiration to write?  

This needs a bit of a back-story.  We’re staying here in Mommy’s house until our townhouse is fully ready.  That will take maybe around a year or so before we can finally move in.  We realized that since both Lloyed and I are in business there are so many things that we do for work here at home. 

So, we both decided to convert a room into our home office.  We’re planning to do this for our actual house but since it’s going to take a while, I asked my mom if we can do it in her house and she allowed.  Yay!

Now I finally have my nook!  Today I had the time and energy to put our home office/study in order.  We also want to be very hands-on with the kids’ learning and study time, so we decided to create a special corner for them. 

Mr. LVP’s Starbucks mug collection is finally put to good use and when I realized we had a globe hidden in our closet, it just felt so cohesive with the travel concept of the mugs.  Lloyed collects mugs from places we’ve been able to visit - either together or separately and the globe lights up in the dark and shows all the constellations.  Hubby bought it in 2008 before he left Japan but I just opened it today.  (that’s how much clutter we had LOL).

Accidentally hit my finger with a hammer.  Didn't know I have great woodworking skills.  Had to remove the wood around the air-conditioning hole that was nailed around the edges.  Nothing my handy dandy hammer and concrete nail can't remove.

For the last few weeks I felt so displaced.  Even before the move, I was having a hard time going back to my groove.  Gosh, it actually rhymes. Haha  Seriously, it felt so hard to have a predictable way of doing things when there’s just too much clutter.  And with work never stopping or giving me the least bit chance to pause, demotivation is a chunk to overcome.

So tonight I am finally at peace.  While the two kids are sleeping with their dad in our bedroom, Jimjim is reading a book here in the office with me.  Life is awesome.

First Monday of March

There's just too much cuteness in this photo, I felt like I had to post it.

I feel like it's been a while since I've written something down. Probably since my dad went home three weeks ago and just recently flew out again, I've been up and about trying to be at different places, meeting different people every single time. But it's been really fulfilling having to balance all of them.  In fact, I've never been this happy! Ironic thing is we've heard it time and again when they say stress is all in the mind.  Really, that's all there is to it.  All in the mind.  When it gets to me, I breathe in and out and remind myself that.

A lot of things have happened lately.  Have I mentioned we've made a decision to not have help at all?  But that deserves a  separate post.  Although as of writing I have no idea where this is headed to.

Although a bit blurry, this was the fun times at Ipar's for Valentine's Day.

And these two little boys are just too cute!

Jumbled thoughts all in my mind. I've been thinking of what to write down for the past few days.  I was hoping to post the short escapade we had with my parents but they are very privy it won't pass through the parental screening board. LOL. So right now as I sit here on my couch after mopping the floor clean (with the throbbing pain around my whole body haha) I can't help but think of all the weight I've lost. It's been 50+ lbs.

October 2014 at the time when I was still starting out with the lifestyle change.

January 2015 - I run 4 Pru

Feb 2015 - with collarbones

I can't help but try this out :( so I did.

To be honest, it's been two months that I've practically yoyo-d around that number.  It's attributed to a lot of factors really.  Number one being the fact that I have been made to believe (by myself, of course) that this is pretty much good enough.  Number 2 to 100 I could come up with a lot of other things. I told myself Coby's birthday was a dinner buffet how could I say no?  Or to my mom's home cooked meals I loved as a child and now I get to savor after such a long time. (Haven't seen her for a year). Or the fact that if I go down a size or two lower I have to buy new clothes again?!? Or my hair has been falling out and I am not very comfortable with it although they say it's normal. Or that I have to carry a paper bag to bring my "baon" wherever I go. Or my beautiful friends telling me it is good enough and according to them I look very lovely.  For Pete's sake people, these are my beautiful friends! The gorgeous ones I have wanted to emulate. Hahaha! Who am I kidding? It just goes back to number 1.

This was in June 2014 when I have already started toying with the idea of starting with Cohen.

So if there's one thing I have to take away from this whole experience it's another cliche.  There are 101 reasons why you cannot do it but only 1 reason why you could/would/should.  Tricky part is your benchmark can't be shallow.  I was honestly happy with 50 lbs and I came to a point where I didn't mind not losing 32 lbs more. I felt beautiful, healthy and happy.  But I am now asking myself this:  Why did I start this Cohen journey in the first place? The answer still remains: TO ACHIEVE MY GOAL WEIGHT. 

To do that I have to lose 32 lbs more.  Since I'm leaving for an international convention by the end of the month and probably another one by April or May, I have almost conceded and told myself a few more pounds would be fine but maybe 32 is too big a goal at this point.  But a while ago I gave myself a long heavy look at the mirror (there's one behind my couch aha moment hehe) and asked myself if I am willing to do it with the same commitment as I did when I started.

So even if Mr LVP brought this from Manila, I didn't even attempt to get a bite.

The answer is a resounding yes.  But I have to put it here as a reminder to weather it through in spite of the challenges.  I have never been known as a quitter and I will start as if it's my first day.

Before I end this post, I'd like to share to you how the last few months have impacted my life and the way I look at things.  When I scanned through my photos a few months ago, who would've thought I'd look the way I do now?  Everything and anything is possible if we lift everything to God and do the necessary work.  I definitely include The Lord because without Him, nothing can ever be done. And it's exactly like that in almost about any aspect of our lives.  Be it personal, family, career or business.  It's all one and the same: we have faith and stay committed.

A good friend of mine shared his favorite quote to me: "When you eat eggs and ham for breakfast, the chicken makes a contribution while the pig makes a commitment."

One of my favorite bags that got so damaged and only looks great with a filter. hehe I'm now inspired because this is my lunchbag. LOL.

Committing ourselves towards our goals, dreams, and even our relationships means we have to lose part if not all of ourselves, entail a number of sacrifices just to make things work.  While the chicken contributes part of itself through its eggs, the pig died so we can enjoy some mouth-watering ham (which I'm not allowed to eat by the way hehe). That my dear friends is real commitment.

Let's get back to this! Go!

It's the first working day of March.
To 32 lbs more! 
So Help Me God.

Online Greeting Card on Valentines Day

Dear Honey,

Today is our 11th Valentines together.  I remember giving you a number of greeting cards every single occasion in our relationship.  Time has taken its toll on us we don't do this anymore. I honestly forgot how it happened or when it stopped, it just did. 

Maybe that's what happens when we get so consumed with everything life throws at us.  I am sorry hon for those times when I made you feel that other things and other people seemed to be more important than you.  There are not enough words to express what is in my heart except that I love you and I am sorry.

You are an awesome person hon and anyone who would get to know you will say the same thing. You have been one to look out for me and take care of me ever since.  You have loved me for all that I am and I know that if I will be stripped off of everything, you'd still love me. 

 

We started with nothing, just two people who thought love was enough to get us by. Though it takes so much more to build a family but all these years I realized that LOVE IS INDEED ENOUGH.  I have gone far and wide across the world, I have experienced so much from life but I am at my happiest when I'm with you.  No amount of money, success or achievement can ever replace the simplicity of being with you.

Sometimes we let the external pressures get into our heads, all the expectations we have to live up to. But you know what mylabs, you have taught me that what matters most is we stick to who we are.  You have loved me from the start - I've been fat, I've been depressed, I've been scarred, I've had gazillions of stretch marks, I've made a number of mistakes but you've loved me for all that I am.  

I was humongous and you loved me every single day. Thank you honey for making us happy!

On this Valentine's Day, I just want to let you know that you've been one amazing husband and father to our children.  I pray that God will continue to mold me so that I can become the perfect person for you.  I didn't know what I did to deserve you.  For a long time it's been all about me and what I'll be getting on Valentines hon and you did everything for me.  But today, I'd like to do something a bit different.  This time it's all about you. Happy Heart's Day hon and I love you!

Your beautiful valentine,

Jill

How Tough is Tough Love?

Ever since I became a parent, one of the biggest obstacles on top of parenthood itself is discipline.  How do you teach that to a child?  To someone you'd fuss almost everything about from something as minute as an insect bite to a concern as major as bullying.  When do you say it's time to step in or let go?  How do you determine whether it crushes your child or builds his/her character?  As a parent, when do you draw the line?  How will you ever know?

I've been facing this dilemma time and again.  But somehow almost 10 years into parenthood with three amazingly unique children, until now I still can't come up with the right answers. Everything still seems like day one but I'd like to believe I'm getting a better head start than the last.

Recently, I went through a challenging situation with my eldest son Jim.  See, he is without any bias a very smart young man.  For the past year Lloyed and I have been squeezing our brains out trying to come up with activities, motivation and what not just to sustain his interest in learning.  But every time he'd get his hands on a gadget, everything would go haywire.  

We tried the cold turkey technique and eliminated gadget use altogether, then we decided maybe it would be okay to give time on weekends.  Only to realize again this time that it really has a significant effect on our son.  No matter how much monitoring we do, it just goes back to the fact that video games on the iPad somehow makes him forget that there's a "real world" out there (which is actually the world we're living in).  And my greatest fear as a parent is he develops a trait which is prevalent among the youth of today:  APATHY.

Apathy is a lack of interest or concern on matters of general importance or indifference in its whole essence.    How do we teach a child to care more?  How do we really know what to do? Haha.  Forgive the blabber, I guess it's because of all the conflicting emotions I get while I'm actually disciplining my child.  Do you sometimes get that too? I feel like we are putting up a strong facade while we impose punishments but deep inside our hearts are really crying out for them.  

Lovers in San Francisco

As they say we only get a better appreciation of our own parents when we become parents ourselves. In the end, it's all about unconditional love for our families and putting God above everything else that will assure us that we're not astray.  And since it's Valentine's Day in two days, One Big Hearts Love to my dear parents, Jim and Lleanette.

How tough is tough love?  Clueless.

A Special Surprise

The Lord is amazing and kind.  He knows our heart's deepest desires yet He doesn't give everything to us until the time is right.  He wants us to patiently wait and have faith in His will. I have been pruned, humbled and shaped.  Yet today He grants me this, at the very last minute.  I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude.

When I thought this would be the first time in my whole career that I won't be getting an award (see blog post here), God gave me such a wonderful surprise.  I made it!  For the last seven years, He has been so faithful in all his promises.  I am such a flawed human being to be worthy of such love.

Let me share to you how this weekend went:

We were both so excited for this trip. <3  Isn't our room just glorious?

Mica Branch! L-R Gilbert Chua, Delwyn Go, Gina Marie Saw, Me, Thea Mae Enquilino, Al Lopena

ooohh.. The food was yum. Sorry not sorry I'm eating this.

With our dapper CEO Jumbing de Rosas

With the handsome Maximo Joaquin our beloved CDO!

With the AMAZING Divine Furagganan our CAO and Delwyn Go my good friend

After party with Juan Miguel Salvador (Janella Salvador's dad hehe)  Jologs ako talaga.

Selfie with the night's host, Edu Manzano. Hahahahahaha With Sir Edwin at the back.

I wouldn't be here if not for the following people:

To my clients who have trusted me from the start and have believed in me since 2007. I wouldn't be here without you.  You have all weathered this journey with me in spite of all my ups and downs.  I always challenge myself to be better at what I do so that I won't have to look at another industry and leave this job behind.  I pray and hope in my heart that our future will be filled with much hope knowing that in one way or another we have prepared for it. Thanks to you all.

To my team, I'd be willing to fight tooth and nail for you.  I am here because of our combined efforts. We've been tried and tested over and over again yet here we are: Strong and Ready.  We will make our dreams come true. Through God, we'll make the impossible certainly achievable.  It's been a hard and tough fight but I know God will bring us to the top.

My BM Gilbert Chua and partner-in-crime Delwyn Go.  Oh my, we're still here.  We used to be a Unit, now a Branch.  Delwyn and I used to be both agents, now both Managers.  It's been years and years with you guys. Cheers to more Annual Awards with you and hopefully the rest of our team! 

More of us next year!!!

To my leaders who have helped me become who I am today.   They believed in what I can do and who I can become.  We've been through so much yet I am here today because of their faith in me.  Thank you for doing your best for me.

To my parents who have loved me even with my lapses and shortcomings. To my mom and dad who supported me in all my decisions even if they don't understand the industry I belong to, thank you. To my mother-in-law who was there to lift me up at a time I needed it most, she has loved me like her own for the last 11 years and I constantly thank God for her.

To my whole family who have stuck with me and will stick with me through thick and thin, I will do the same for you.

The gorgeous man of my life who takes the most beautiful photos!

To my husband Lloyed who has been by my side through every ordeal, we've been through so much my labs and I will always be thankful that it's you I'm sharing my life with. Honey, you have been one to tell me the truth not to destroy or break me but to shake me up so I may put things in better perspective.  You have loved me even in my worst times, you have accepted and understood me even when I didn't even understand myself. This is what true love is, what you have for me. and I will love you every single day of my life.

I am making this blog post because I want this moment to be recorded.  This is to help me remember that I should always be faithful to God's will.  Our lives are not in our hands but it should be in His.  He will guide our sails through calm or rough seas and He will steer us to where He wants us to be.  Lord I am no longer afraid of what tomorrow may give me because I have surrendered everything to you.  I have fully surrendered.

To God be all the glory and I claim for the best to come in these coming years!

PS.  Now that I read over it, it sounds a little bit like an acceptance speech, don't you think? Thank you Lord for this wonderful miracle!

The customary photo booth picture to cap the blog post :)