First Monday of March

There's just too much cuteness in this photo, I felt like I had to post it.

I feel like it's been a while since I've written something down. Probably since my dad went home three weeks ago and just recently flew out again, I've been up and about trying to be at different places, meeting different people every single time. But it's been really fulfilling having to balance all of them.  In fact, I've never been this happy! Ironic thing is we've heard it time and again when they say stress is all in the mind.  Really, that's all there is to it.  All in the mind.  When it gets to me, I breathe in and out and remind myself that.

A lot of things have happened lately.  Have I mentioned we've made a decision to not have help at all?  But that deserves a  separate post.  Although as of writing I have no idea where this is headed to.

Although a bit blurry, this was the fun times at Ipar's for Valentine's Day.

And these two little boys are just too cute!

Jumbled thoughts all in my mind. I've been thinking of what to write down for the past few days.  I was hoping to post the short escapade we had with my parents but they are very privy it won't pass through the parental screening board. LOL. So right now as I sit here on my couch after mopping the floor clean (with the throbbing pain around my whole body haha) I can't help but think of all the weight I've lost. It's been 50+ lbs.

October 2014 at the time when I was still starting out with the lifestyle change.

January 2015 - I run 4 Pru

Feb 2015 - with collarbones

I can't help but try this out :( so I did.

To be honest, it's been two months that I've practically yoyo-d around that number.  It's attributed to a lot of factors really.  Number one being the fact that I have been made to believe (by myself, of course) that this is pretty much good enough.  Number 2 to 100 I could come up with a lot of other things. I told myself Coby's birthday was a dinner buffet how could I say no?  Or to my mom's home cooked meals I loved as a child and now I get to savor after such a long time. (Haven't seen her for a year). Or the fact that if I go down a size or two lower I have to buy new clothes again?!? Or my hair has been falling out and I am not very comfortable with it although they say it's normal. Or that I have to carry a paper bag to bring my "baon" wherever I go. Or my beautiful friends telling me it is good enough and according to them I look very lovely.  For Pete's sake people, these are my beautiful friends! The gorgeous ones I have wanted to emulate. Hahaha! Who am I kidding? It just goes back to number 1.

This was in June 2014 when I have already started toying with the idea of starting with Cohen.

So if there's one thing I have to take away from this whole experience it's another cliche.  There are 101 reasons why you cannot do it but only 1 reason why you could/would/should.  Tricky part is your benchmark can't be shallow.  I was honestly happy with 50 lbs and I came to a point where I didn't mind not losing 32 lbs more. I felt beautiful, healthy and happy.  But I am now asking myself this:  Why did I start this Cohen journey in the first place? The answer still remains: TO ACHIEVE MY GOAL WEIGHT. 

To do that I have to lose 32 lbs more.  Since I'm leaving for an international convention by the end of the month and probably another one by April or May, I have almost conceded and told myself a few more pounds would be fine but maybe 32 is too big a goal at this point.  But a while ago I gave myself a long heavy look at the mirror (there's one behind my couch aha moment hehe) and asked myself if I am willing to do it with the same commitment as I did when I started.

So even if Mr LVP brought this from Manila, I didn't even attempt to get a bite.

The answer is a resounding yes.  But I have to put it here as a reminder to weather it through in spite of the challenges.  I have never been known as a quitter and I will start as if it's my first day.

Before I end this post, I'd like to share to you how the last few months have impacted my life and the way I look at things.  When I scanned through my photos a few months ago, who would've thought I'd look the way I do now?  Everything and anything is possible if we lift everything to God and do the necessary work.  I definitely include The Lord because without Him, nothing can ever be done. And it's exactly like that in almost about any aspect of our lives.  Be it personal, family, career or business.  It's all one and the same: we have faith and stay committed.

A good friend of mine shared his favorite quote to me: "When you eat eggs and ham for breakfast, the chicken makes a contribution while the pig makes a commitment."

One of my favorite bags that got so damaged and only looks great with a filter. hehe I'm now inspired because this is my lunchbag. LOL.

Committing ourselves towards our goals, dreams, and even our relationships means we have to lose part if not all of ourselves, entail a number of sacrifices just to make things work.  While the chicken contributes part of itself through its eggs, the pig died so we can enjoy some mouth-watering ham (which I'm not allowed to eat by the way hehe). That my dear friends is real commitment.

Let's get back to this! Go!

It's the first working day of March.
To 32 lbs more! 
So Help Me God.

Online Greeting Card on Valentines Day

Dear Honey,

Today is our 11th Valentines together.  I remember giving you a number of greeting cards every single occasion in our relationship.  Time has taken its toll on us we don't do this anymore. I honestly forgot how it happened or when it stopped, it just did. 

Maybe that's what happens when we get so consumed with everything life throws at us.  I am sorry hon for those times when I made you feel that other things and other people seemed to be more important than you.  There are not enough words to express what is in my heart except that I love you and I am sorry.

You are an awesome person hon and anyone who would get to know you will say the same thing. You have been one to look out for me and take care of me ever since.  You have loved me for all that I am and I know that if I will be stripped off of everything, you'd still love me. 

 

We started with nothing, just two people who thought love was enough to get us by. Though it takes so much more to build a family but all these years I realized that LOVE IS INDEED ENOUGH.  I have gone far and wide across the world, I have experienced so much from life but I am at my happiest when I'm with you.  No amount of money, success or achievement can ever replace the simplicity of being with you.

Sometimes we let the external pressures get into our heads, all the expectations we have to live up to. But you know what mylabs, you have taught me that what matters most is we stick to who we are.  You have loved me from the start - I've been fat, I've been depressed, I've been scarred, I've had gazillions of stretch marks, I've made a number of mistakes but you've loved me for all that I am.  

I was humongous and you loved me every single day. Thank you honey for making us happy!

On this Valentine's Day, I just want to let you know that you've been one amazing husband and father to our children.  I pray that God will continue to mold me so that I can become the perfect person for you.  I didn't know what I did to deserve you.  For a long time it's been all about me and what I'll be getting on Valentines hon and you did everything for me.  But today, I'd like to do something a bit different.  This time it's all about you. Happy Heart's Day hon and I love you!

Your beautiful valentine,

Jill

How Tough is Tough Love?

Ever since I became a parent, one of the biggest obstacles on top of parenthood itself is discipline.  How do you teach that to a child?  To someone you'd fuss almost everything about from something as minute as an insect bite to a concern as major as bullying.  When do you say it's time to step in or let go?  How do you determine whether it crushes your child or builds his/her character?  As a parent, when do you draw the line?  How will you ever know?

I've been facing this dilemma time and again.  But somehow almost 10 years into parenthood with three amazingly unique children, until now I still can't come up with the right answers. Everything still seems like day one but I'd like to believe I'm getting a better head start than the last.

Recently, I went through a challenging situation with my eldest son Jim.  See, he is without any bias a very smart young man.  For the past year Lloyed and I have been squeezing our brains out trying to come up with activities, motivation and what not just to sustain his interest in learning.  But every time he'd get his hands on a gadget, everything would go haywire.  

We tried the cold turkey technique and eliminated gadget use altogether, then we decided maybe it would be okay to give time on weekends.  Only to realize again this time that it really has a significant effect on our son.  No matter how much monitoring we do, it just goes back to the fact that video games on the iPad somehow makes him forget that there's a "real world" out there (which is actually the world we're living in).  And my greatest fear as a parent is he develops a trait which is prevalent among the youth of today:  APATHY.

Apathy is a lack of interest or concern on matters of general importance or indifference in its whole essence.    How do we teach a child to care more?  How do we really know what to do? Haha.  Forgive the blabber, I guess it's because of all the conflicting emotions I get while I'm actually disciplining my child.  Do you sometimes get that too? I feel like we are putting up a strong facade while we impose punishments but deep inside our hearts are really crying out for them.  

Lovers in San Francisco

As they say we only get a better appreciation of our own parents when we become parents ourselves. In the end, it's all about unconditional love for our families and putting God above everything else that will assure us that we're not astray.  And since it's Valentine's Day in two days, One Big Hearts Love to my dear parents, Jim and Lleanette.

How tough is tough love?  Clueless.

A Special Surprise

The Lord is amazing and kind.  He knows our heart's deepest desires yet He doesn't give everything to us until the time is right.  He wants us to patiently wait and have faith in His will. I have been pruned, humbled and shaped.  Yet today He grants me this, at the very last minute.  I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude.

When I thought this would be the first time in my whole career that I won't be getting an award (see blog post here), God gave me such a wonderful surprise.  I made it!  For the last seven years, He has been so faithful in all his promises.  I am such a flawed human being to be worthy of such love.

Let me share to you how this weekend went:

We were both so excited for this trip. <3  Isn't our room just glorious?

Mica Branch! L-R Gilbert Chua, Delwyn Go, Gina Marie Saw, Me, Thea Mae Enquilino, Al Lopena

ooohh.. The food was yum. Sorry not sorry I'm eating this.

With our dapper CEO Jumbing de Rosas

With the handsome Maximo Joaquin our beloved CDO!

With the AMAZING Divine Furagganan our CAO and Delwyn Go my good friend

After party with Juan Miguel Salvador (Janella Salvador's dad hehe)  Jologs ako talaga.

Selfie with the night's host, Edu Manzano. Hahahahahaha With Sir Edwin at the back.

I wouldn't be here if not for the following people:

To my clients who have trusted me from the start and have believed in me since 2007. I wouldn't be here without you.  You have all weathered this journey with me in spite of all my ups and downs.  I always challenge myself to be better at what I do so that I won't have to look at another industry and leave this job behind.  I pray and hope in my heart that our future will be filled with much hope knowing that in one way or another we have prepared for it. Thanks to you all.

To my team, I'd be willing to fight tooth and nail for you.  I am here because of our combined efforts. We've been tried and tested over and over again yet here we are: Strong and Ready.  We will make our dreams come true. Through God, we'll make the impossible certainly achievable.  It's been a hard and tough fight but I know God will bring us to the top.

My BM Gilbert Chua and partner-in-crime Delwyn Go.  Oh my, we're still here.  We used to be a Unit, now a Branch.  Delwyn and I used to be both agents, now both Managers.  It's been years and years with you guys. Cheers to more Annual Awards with you and hopefully the rest of our team! 

More of us next year!!!

To my leaders who have helped me become who I am today.   They believed in what I can do and who I can become.  We've been through so much yet I am here today because of their faith in me.  Thank you for doing your best for me.

To my parents who have loved me even with my lapses and shortcomings. To my mom and dad who supported me in all my decisions even if they don't understand the industry I belong to, thank you. To my mother-in-law who was there to lift me up at a time I needed it most, she has loved me like her own for the last 11 years and I constantly thank God for her.

To my whole family who have stuck with me and will stick with me through thick and thin, I will do the same for you.

The gorgeous man of my life who takes the most beautiful photos!

To my husband Lloyed who has been by my side through every ordeal, we've been through so much my labs and I will always be thankful that it's you I'm sharing my life with. Honey, you have been one to tell me the truth not to destroy or break me but to shake me up so I may put things in better perspective.  You have loved me even in my worst times, you have accepted and understood me even when I didn't even understand myself. This is what true love is, what you have for me. and I will love you every single day of my life.

I am making this blog post because I want this moment to be recorded.  This is to help me remember that I should always be faithful to God's will.  Our lives are not in our hands but it should be in His.  He will guide our sails through calm or rough seas and He will steer us to where He wants us to be.  Lord I am no longer afraid of what tomorrow may give me because I have surrendered everything to you.  I have fully surrendered.

To God be all the glory and I claim for the best to come in these coming years!

PS.  Now that I read over it, it sounds a little bit like an acceptance speech, don't you think? Thank you Lord for this wonderful miracle!

The customary photo booth picture to cap the blog post :)

Thirty and Terrific

Gosh, I'm 30.  

While a lot of people fuss about getting older, I look at it as a chance at a new year of happiness and opportunity.  My birthday this year may not carry the same excitement as it did on my 18th but it shares the same significance.  It was after I blew my 18 candles that I threw myself into the real world (literally) and now that I am 30 I look back at what was. 

Five months after my debutante party, I met Lloyed.  He was the new teacher.  Who would've guessed that a few months after he'd ask me to spend the rest of my life with him.  Just like that, a crazy teenager who was head over heels in love, I dove in.  I was 18, he was 22 and we were chasing true love.  Now we're both in our 30s and we're chasing our dreams.

We thank our three beautiful children for making us dream even more.  Say what?  Three children!  And do you know that I was actually in labor on my 20th birthday? So Jim is turning 10 in two days, too!  How cool is that?  I can't even imagine how my body managed to carry these three loveable creatures (of course not all at the same time! haha)  But these kids make me remember that birthdays are not about getting older but about having more years to spend with them.

He's growing up to be such a handsome young man. Look at the little girl in the background!

Shot while the little girl was still in my tummy

The boys wanted to join in the shoot as ninja gos (I remember sewing their costumes hehe)

Now the little girl in my tummy turned out to be such an adorable sweetie

Thirty and a mother of three, that's Me.

This was inside the CN Tower in Toronto

Travel.  I remember when I was 12 my parents brought us to Hongkong.  It was my first ever plane ride and I remember being so ugly.  Hahaha. Honestly, what I remember most in that trip was how horrendous I looked.  When everyone was wearing leather skirts and knee-high winter boots I had to stick to my big shirt and jeans because nothing seemed to fit (Thank God I don't have any pictures here to prove it lol).  Ok, so now I'm getting a bit sidetracked.  Haha  But I told myself that when I grow up I would travel the world (in more fashionable clothes).   And I did.

Singapore, Hongkong, Macau, China - Beijing, Shanghai, Thailand - Bangkok, Japan - Tokyo, Canada - Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, Australia - Sydney and France - Paris.  If my transit counts, the list would include Chicago, Korea, Dubai and Vancouver.

We brought the kids to Singapore to Singapore

Disneyland Hotel in Hongkong

Hockey Hall of Fame

The boys' first snow

Posing with the Sakura or Cherry Blossoms in Japan

Watching Lloyed taste some scorpions in Beijing

I have traveled the world some from my own pocket, some fully paid by the company, some with Lloyed, some with the whole bunch, some on my own.  I love traveling because the lessons and experiences I take home are priceless.  It expands my horizon and somehow the world doesn't feel so big and the people not so different after all.

Churrasco Dining in Braza Restaurant, Sydney

Before going in to Versailles in Paris

Via Rail Station in Ottawa

Orient Pearl Tower in Shanghai

Yummy Poutine in Montreal.  I missssss this!!!

So now let's talk about my profession.  I have shifted to a totally new career.  From software programs, I managed to embrace the world of a life insurance agent.  It was a tough call.  I gave up my residency in Canada, my 4-year Computer Science course (which I did fairly well) for a job as lowly as selling insurance.  I use the term lowly because a lot of people still refer to my job as such.  Yet, it has opened a lot of doors for me, my family and my clients.  I have learned to love the fact that I take out financial risks in people's lives and in one way or another I leave a lasting impact to their loved ones (and hopefully to the society).  I am a life insurance agent and very proud of it.

In December 2013, during my brother's wedding.

My dress sizes have evolved from being size 8 (when I was 18) to size 18 (when I was 28.)  Hahahaha.   In 2011, I posted the photo above on fb.  The photo was taken when I was 18 and skinny.  So I declared to the world that I'll be back in that form when I reach 30.  Did I make it?  Not yet but I am certainly on my way there. 

Early January in Dumaguete 2015

Dressed up for the management meeting. Hehe  Last week Jan 2015

The last 4 months have been both challenging and rewarding. But Congratulations to me because I lost a total of 48.3 lbs!!!  That's a whopping number all because of Cohen.  Although I had a bit of a lull due to the holidays I claim that I'll be back to a size 8 in the next 4 months. <3

My biggest achievement for 2014 was getting back in shape and learning to give importance to myself first.

In the same way I realized the value of real friends.  They are hard to find.  Now that I'm 30, I don't settle.  I don't even attempt to please people.  I just stay the way I am and if some people don't like it, I don't give a damn.  I strive to achieve simplicity and focus on what makes me happy.  Maybe that's what happens when you get older hahaha =)) So I treasure real people because I've decided to be real as real can get.  To those who've stuck with me through these years, you know who you are and I lab you!

Remember that FAMILY is the ONLY people who will ALWAYS watch your back.

Family is everything.  When we're young(er), there's so much we want to achieve, countless things we want to do and a lot more we want to prove.  But after years in the rat race, I realized that while we focus so much on reaching success, we tend to forget to appreciate what and who have always been there.  So to my parents, mom-in-law, brother and brothers-in-law, sister and sisters-in-law, thank you for your love and support through all these years.  Of course, to my dear husband and lovely kids, for the constant inspiration.  As we get older we realize that we need to spend more time with them because they're the most important people in our lives and every day with them counts.

Lastly, failures.  I had a lot of them.  In fact, the biggest one I had to deal with very recently.  But by God's grace I have been able to pick myself up and start anew.  It is in these moments that I look into my life and appreciate everything that I have.  EVERYTHING.  So today as I celebrate my 30 years in this world, let me end this post with this very meaningful song by Jose Mari Chan.  Do sing with me, if you like:

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds

If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

And (you'll) I'll fall asleep counting my blessings

I thank the Lord for good health
For the gift of love He sends
But most of all He's blessed me
With my family and friends

When you feel that you're down and out
Just count your blessings, I have no doubt
You'll soon be on your feet, counting your blessings

I love you my labs, jimmie, coby and ysabela!

There's nothing more I could wish for today.  I just want to glorify my creator and our Lord because it is only through Him that everything is possible.  Thank you Lord for another year and thank you for this beautiful life.  So as we work hard towards our personal aspirations, let's also remember that in order for things in our life to be in place, we should always put God first.  May we all reach our dreams! 

Top Five Things You Learn After Not Having a Nanny and House help for more than Three Months

Ever since the last remaining nanny was fetched by her insecure husband, Lloyed and I decided to go with the flow and accept our fate.  That meant taking turns in all our responsibilities as a couple, parents and business people.  It has been a miracle how we have been doing so far especially with the demands of each of our professions.  But of course with God's help, everything has been manageable.  

We are still on the lookout for staff who could help us out but like most of us parents, finding good help or even just help is but a challenging feat.  But let me share with you the lessons I learned after living the "American Life" in Cebuano soil.

1.  Your child's cry is music to your ears.  Whether it's a legit cry coming from a toddler or a made up dramatic scene from a boy of 4 or 9 years, they all carry a symphony of emotions that can shake up your senses. So if you don't have a nanny and househelp and the crying won't stop even if the list of chores seem to grow, make sure you master these three things: a.) look your child seriously in the eye and reassure him/her that things are going to be fine b.) distract him/her with your humor and if all else fails c.) take a deep breath and transcend to a higher place until you reach a state of silence. Pure, calm, roaring silence.  You'll master this after three tries.

2.) Art is fun.  Colors make the world vibrant.  So if you see your white wall with scribbles or your bed/floor with piles and piles of colorful toys, APPRECIATE.  Because that's what they call Abstract.  Just make sure to put on your super steel soles or else be prepared to scream because these tiny lego pieces come in the middle of the night, they're scary. You never see 'em coming because they're so little!  But the pain they strike reverberates from your sole throughout your whole body!  If you had a choice, you wouldn't want them to see the light of day.

3.)  Know that nothing ever gets lost when there's three kids in your house.  They just get misplaced.  Oftentimes you find them when you don't need them anymore.  You realize you try your best to organize everything but you're too tired from all the cooking, scrubbing, washing the dishes, doing the laundry on top of your responsibilities at work.  The chaos seems to have developed its own system that everything somehow falls into place ALL the TIME. And even when you can't find your coin purse at that moment you needed it, you rely on the belief that one day when the time is right you will. Yes girl, you will.

4.)  "Me" time or "Hubby and Me" time is reduced to a total of more or less one hour.  Two would be a gift!  In between the chores you divide yourselves with and the work you have to do in between. The conversations about regular things not related to children, work or expenses can be compressed in less than 60 minutes. Most times even less. Yet even so you are fulfilled knowing that you are sharing your life with the most supportive partner who shows so much love and care for you especially in the most challenging times.

5.)  You become more stretchable than rubber.  Who would've thought you'd be able to cook 5 meals in one and a half hour? Or bathe three children all at once in a span of 15 minutes tops. Or think of your PowerPoint presentation for your management meeting while doing the laundry?  Who could've imagined that you could devise a system of clearing a pile of dishes and pots in the shortest possible time? Yet through this all, you manage to keep a smile on your face and a heart that is full.  Because at the end of the day, you see your beautiful children and your wonderful spouse all wanting to make every moment with you count.  

And every alarm you've struggled to wake up to just to prepare breakfast, every little thing you had to put off for yourself and every ache in your body after a long day's work in and out of the house is simply worth it. <3

Failures and Resolutions

They often say that our courage and strength are better defined by our failures instead of our achievements.  2014 was a year of sorts.

I usually coin my experience as "kamang sa yuta". Direct translation is crawled on the ground, gumapang sa putikan (to exaggerate a little hehe). It was the year when my job felt so thankless and unfulfilling. It was the year of knowing what it means to have personal boundaries, to be wary of giving away trust. It was the year of letting go of toxic relationships, of people who say they're with you but then they do differently when you turn your back.

What I had to go through was so difficult but liberating at the same time.  I learned to listen to myself more, I learned to be confident in who I am and what I know and somehow by the end of the year I was back to who I really was: happy.  I rid myself of all the negative emotions and in the same way, all the pain went away.

I ended last year on a high note only to receive some bad news today.  This is probably the most record breaking in my whole career (but I decided to keep it to myself).  For a drama queen like me, I didn't weep and wallow in misery.

With God's grace, I have learned to accept that everything is always in accordance to His will.  I have been extremely blessed because I am not broken in spite of my failures.  In Him, there is strength without arrogance.  In the end, God has put me where I am meant to be.  Here and now.

So this new year, let's look at our failures as reminders of how we had to pick ourselves up.   And we shall claim this year to be the best there ever was!  

Happy New Year to us ALL!!!!!!